The Hexagon of Expectations
As written by Charles Brown, avid golfer and friend
Expectations can deliver devastating emotional impact if one’s expectations are not managed correctly. The concept of a Hexagon of Expectations presents the management process graphically. Below is the Analysis of the Hexagon of Expectations:
The apex of the drawing begins (Step 1) with one’s own expectations, with the perceived expectations of others and/or with comparing oneself to others. Any of these states can immediately lead to Step 2, which is disappointment and/or frustration, if one is not fully aware of what IS, instead of what was expected. The time it takes to move from Step 1 to Step 2 is about 2/5ths of a second.
Step 2 leads inexorably to Step 3, again in 2/5ths of a second. Step 3 then is self-imposed Stress, Hurt, Anxiety, or a feeling of having been put upon.
Depending upon the reaction at Step 3 (there can be more than one reaction), there is a correlative emotion in Step 4 where Anger, Frustration, Blaming, and Irritation reside. Correlative to Hurt is Anger, to Stress is Blaming, and so forth.
The intensity of the emotion at Step 4 is in direct proportion to the feeling of Hurt, Stress and so forth. If one feels terribly hurt, one may become terribly angry.
Following Step 4 is the inevitable Step 5, Guilt and Remorse.
Step 6 is the insidious setting of even Higher Expectations, which, of course, will lead to a repeat of the whole damn Hexagon of Expectations and subsequent reactions.
A trip around the Hexagon will only take two seconds. This can make a wheel of the hexagon, spinning rapidly like a spinning fireworks display with sparks flying off in all directions as we jump from step-to-step in rapid succession. We even develop short cuts so we don’t have to dwell at all of the steps. For instance, we skip Step 3 and instantly become angry or frustrated.
Or, we get stuck at a step. We get to Step 3 and park; so we remain anxious or stressed out. Or maybe we stop at Step 4 and stay angry or frustrated. If you become “stuck” or if the hexagon is spinning wildly, the way to release yourself from this painful situation is to simply pause, take a deep breath, clear your mind and release your breath slowly. As you release the air, release the negative energy, anxiety, frustration or hurt into the cosmos, then begin again at Step 1.
The way to beat the Hexagon of Expectations is at Steps 1 and 2.
First, have realistic expectations. Don’t compare yourself with others and don’t be unduly influenced by the expectations of others.
And then become firmly aware of and “own” what IS. Accept your limitations.
The admonition is set “Realistic Expectations”, not necessarily “Lower Expectations”. Then when events take their course THAT is what IS! Accept it!
Understand and own this concept and Life becomes much easier.
Identify what IS, realize and accept your limitations and then OWN what IS. Life will be much simpler and easier.
