Additions to Gardening
What do the above ideas of self have to with gardening? The three influences on our definitions of "self" unfold on an innate rhythm as the DNA matrix in a watermelon seed results in a watermelon. This growth, or unfolding, is influenced by chance happenings surrounding a given person or watermelon seed. The rainfall, temperature, fungi, type of soil, and wind are examples. When infant babbles fall on empty ears nothing happens.
The care and attendance we can give a given plant does not change a watermelon plant into an apple tree. We are what we are; there are few Michael Jordans in basketball. Yet, with practice, practice, practice, we can all get better. A watermelon ripens, so do we. Finding out what works best for this person, in this soil, and with these nutrients is a continuous learning and wonderment---if we practice and change according to the changes as life happens. I thought it necessary to understand these ideas about how the development of language through imitation and possessiveness shapes our everyday behavior. The old imitated "you" voices are powerful and bring absolute certainty. Recall the Commandments: Thou shalt not. Because of genetic "DNA" differences and epigenetic after DNA connections events, the "I" voice can not be learned by direct imitations, and leaves us with uncertainty spreading over into fear. And a me voice can not be influenced by imitation and emerges with possessiveness as my, mine around 16 months of age. Caregivers report toddlers ask to be picked up in many ways. Fifty-seven of sixty-one toddlers say “hold you” with arms outstretched meaning "hold me." “Hold you” – The you voice is embedded at this age.
Imagine yourself as a watermelon vine with bees buzzing, flower blooming, and the wind gently stirring the leaves. And then, no rain, NO RAIN. Oops, here comes a thunderstorm and hail. Yes, HAIL. Well, we have (or think we do) more adaptability then a typical watermelon plant. But two (or more) fixed ideas keep us doing the same dumb, old thing expecting different outcomes. This is at a simple, though difficult day by day level. In hoping to get it (whatever) right or good enough we are plagued by the old "you" voice and inevitable comparison of self to others. The same old message, same old results.
As an example and for a way to practice and change this, Dr A. Ellis ago suggested ABC therapy. An example is:
A) Avid golfer makes a bad shot
C) Breaks golf club
What happens at B. Lightning fast inner thought becomes inner (or outer) speech to one’s self: stupid, never gonna get it right and a long list of scolding messages.
And ABC Therapy worked. Not for every problem or disorder. Again I divide issues or problems into elephant, bull, chicken, and flea size. Most of us have a wonderful ability to convert a flea issue into an elephant turd and drop it on our own or another one’s head.
Practice your ABC’s to make life a bit simpler. Or keep it complicated and call me. Good for business.
Homework: Fill-in your own list. Helpful tip: The internal scolding critical voice is usually “you,” “you blew it again.” Simple correction: “I made a bad shot (golf, life, etc.) And practice, practice, practice.
Gardening is acceptance of what is, weeding our thoughts and practices.
